Lies
by Dragongirl14
Summary: I run, I hide but never tell a lie' Duo has always lived by that, but what happens when his entire life becomes a lie? Who can help him? 12
1. Chapter 1

Yo! This is my first Gundam fic, so go easy on me! Plus I've never actually seen one episode of GW, either – just read a lot of fanfics, so please tell me if anything's wrong. Plus the characters will be very OOC in this one and in any fics to come most likely! Comments are vastly appreciated! I love reviews so please please please review for me! :D Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. Hell, I aint even seen the show! Plus the song 'away from me' belongs to Evanescence.

Pairings: eventual 12

Lies

_I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll_

_I hide behind a smile_

_As this perfect plan unfolds_

_But oh god, I feel I've been lied to_

_Lost all faith in the things I have achieved and I..._

_I've woken now_

_To find myself_

_In the shadows of all I have created_

_I'm longing to be lost in you_

_Won't you take me away from me?_

(Away From Me, Evanescence)

Chapter one:

The blinking light of Duo's clock happily informed him of the time – 1.46am. One minute after the last time he checked – which seemed like one hundred minutes ago. Add that to the other seventy-three elongated minutes he'd spent staring at the ceiling made for a very boring night, something that was becoming much too familiar to this particular braided menace.

He sighed and rolled over facing away from the unmoving form of the 'perfect soldier' in the bed across from him. He didn't want Heero to see the fresh bout of tears stinging the corners of his eyes on the off-chance that he actually noticed he was awake... for once. He gave the room one last look over with a pair of lifeless violet eyes before his head was buried between his knees. If anyone ever bothered to pay attention they would see the bags adorning his pretty porcelain face – yet a very pale and sickly face that was. A unique colour that was usually only acquired by the dead. If anyone ever bothered to look closely they would see that his idiotic cheerfulness was just a carefully constructed mask. A disguise to conceal how he really felt. If anyone ever bothered to notice they would see that the mask hides a broken child, whose dying inside.

"If only they could see me now..." he mumbled. "They wouldn't be so quick to write me off as happy-go-lucky fool would they? Maybe they... Nah. Who'm I kiddin'? They wouldn't care... They Wufei'd probably just start ranting 'bout how weak I am. And Heero... Hah. I'm just pathetic."

Another wave of tears threatened to spill but he managed to keep them at bay by repeating his familiar mantra 'boys don't cry, boy's don't cry' over and over and over... but his well used phrase was beginning to lose its potency each time it left his lips.

"Why would anyone care 'bout a worthless street rat like me?"

­­

Each night Duo head to bed later and later, only to catch a few hours sleep before being woken, whimpering, by a painful nightmare. The insomnia was beginning to take its toll on 02, though he wouldn't admit it – even to himself.

Although this 'illness', of a sort, was plain on his face – none of the other pilots, or even his mentor G, had any idea of the torture he was putting himself through every night. The thoughts of self-worthlessness were wearing him down and the contemplation of suicide had become more than just an idea. The scars decorating his wrists were more than enough proof of that, although he always made sure they were well covered. From himself as well as they others.

Each time he saw them he felt sickened. It reminded him of his weakness, of how easily he gave into the lure of sweet release from this world, even when he still had a purpose to fulfil. Revenge for the people that had died – for Solo and Sister Helen and everyone that had perished because of the war and the unfair treatment of the colonies. That was the only thing that kept him alive; the desire for vengeance. He could not die until Shinigami's wrath had reached all that it needed to. Only then would he let death finally take him too, once the ghosts of the past had been put to rest and no longer haunted his dreams filled with blood and pain. After that the tortured eyes would no longer be as accusing and the whispered words no longer as damning.

Of course he knew that only place he would be allowed was hell (if even they could dare to take him), but at this point he was past caring. Maybe even welcomed the thought of living in the fiery pits of the underworld, after all one so stained with the blood of others would be a bit out of place in heaven and he knew he did not belong there. And besides that, anywhere would be better than here, his own personal Hades. At least in hell he would be able to feel – even if only pain. Because in his life now, he was numb.

Time passed, the sun rose and settled into the morning sky. And as the first rays of light stretched into the dusty windows of the ramshackle safehouse, Duo sighed and prepared for another day. His mask firmly in place, he bounced out of bed and strode into the corridor. Shouting to Quatre, cheerfully dumping water onto a spluttering 'Wuffles' and trying his hardest to get a rise out of Heero. Another day, another deception.

So much for 'I run, I hide but never tell a lie'. His whole life was a lie.

End Chapter One

And that was chapter one! What did you think?? Please tell me, even if it is a flame! Chapter 2 and 3 should be coming out soon so if you (by some amazing chance) actually liked this thing, wait patiently for the next chapter. :D


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! I'm back with another new chapter! Thanks so much to everyone that reviewed my last chapter! Yey! I can't believe people like this! So thanks again for taking the time to say something.

I'd like to warn everyone that there will be definite hints of shonen-ai in this chapter – so no flames complaining to me about it! You have been warned so I will only ignore anyone that tells me about the obvious. Oh yea – Heero is most likely going to be very OOC here...

Disclaimer: Don't Own Gundam, and all Evanescence songs belong to Evanescence!

**Lies**

_You think that I can't see right through your eyes  
Scared to death to face reality  
No one seems to hear your hidden cries  
You're left to face yourself alone  
  
I realize you're afraid  
But you can't abandon everyone  
You can't escape  
You don't want to escape  
  
I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands  
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone  
I can hear you in a whisper  
But you can't even hear me screaming_

(Evanescence, Where Will You Go?)

**Chapter 2: **

(Heero P.O.V)

He was destroying himself. Slowly, but surely. I could see it in his melancholy gaze as he stares outside, I can only guess as to what he is thinking however I'm certain that it can't be good. I could hear it in his voice when he cries out in his sleep.

He thinks that no one notices, and thinks that no one cares. But he's wrong on both accounts. I see everything and I care much more than I ever thought possible. I want nothing more than to reach out to him and tell him everything's going to be fine, but I wouldn't know what to do, or _how_ to do it. It's all too new to me. So instead I sit here and hide behind the safety of my laptop. Observing. Learning all the facets of his flawless mask.

It's amazing really, no one can see what the real Duo is like. He hides it so well behind all the happiness and energy that people just take it on face value. They think, no way could some this bright be depressed. So much better than my attempt, my disguise is to be quiet and hope that people don't notice me... but that only serves to attract attention. Duo on the other hand draws as many people to him as he can, then he deflects all worries with a shield of light-heartedness. He hides himself in the middle of a crowd. So no one would notice he is dying inside, but I do. Although most people would think I would be the last person to notice that, being the cold-hearted bastard that I am. Not that that is true. Well, at least it isn't now.

Its not that I don't _have_ emotions because I do (though not from lack of trying)... It's just that I don't know what to do with them, so I buried them. As far down as they would go. After living a life where I was constantly told that emotions were a weakness, I began to believe it. I built up wall after wall around me so that absolutely nothing could get to me. I was encased in my own personal wall of ice.

But somehow he managed to thaw my eternal winter, without even trying. And now I'm helpless against the rush of emotions assaulting me. I'm not one who likes to be vulnerable to anything but no matter what I do; my defences won't go back up. Duo has somehow wormed his way into my frozen heart and is there to stay, as romantic as that might sound – it's true.

At first I tried to ignore it, if I pretended it wasn't there it would go away – right? This childish method was below me and didn't work anyway. I couldn't ignore Duo – his exuberance, however fake, was too loud and flashy so brush to the side. I tried to bury my feelings as I so often did before, become the 'Perfect Soldier' that everyone was familiar with. A robot, really. But I can feel my own mask crumbling – my cloak of perfection. I called upon every bit of training I could think of, none of it helped. I was stuck, and despite my annoyance, I didn't honestly mind.

I began to think of this foolish and ultimately pointless endeavour as a mission, though in time my mission changed. From destroying these newfound feelings into... embracing them and using them to help 02. I tried to justify it in my mind as that we couldn't have a pilot acting on less than 100% as it could not only endanger the other pilots but the success of our final mission – to end the war. Although even I was aware that these were just excuses.

I want to hate him for making me lose control. But I can't, I can't even be annoyed at him! Only at myself, for falling into this trap in the first place.

* * *

Everytime I see the pain in those stunning violet eyes, I'm overwhelmed by the desire to comfort and mumble quiet reassurances in his ear. Yet each time, I reach out my hand freezes mid-air as doubt overtakes. The words fly out of my head and I withdraw, back to the shadows. And Duo continues his downward spiral of depression.

But what am I to do? I'm no more well versed in the art of comforting than I am in living a normal life. And I know that I would be hopeless at that.

So I'm held in place by the wish to help and the worry that I will make it worse. Although as I watch I cannot help but wonder – how much worse, i can /i it get?

**End Chapter Two**

So... What do you think? Too OOC? But I figure that maybe Heero really is like that underneath it all... And besides any of my views on the characters is completely at the fault of other fanfic writers! Hehe, not to try and shift the blame or anything...

Anyway! Same as before – tell me what you think! And the more reviews I get... I may just update sometime before the end of this week (just maybe though, because school is starting again tomorrow). Bye!


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